The private members« bill passed on 28th January in the National Assembly concerning the notion of »conjugal duty" touches upon a profoundly sensitive, intimate, and even visceral space, because she directly questions this place where the body, connection, desire, fear and power intersect. Beyond the legal debate and the controversies it generates, this law resonates with a period of profound questioning of the place of women and men in our society, but also in our relationships and in our inner lives, as the issues it raises go far beyond the scope of law to challenge our perceptions, our heritages and our conditioning.
The word «patriarchy» is circulating more and more today, precisely because it highlights a reality that is still very much alive: that of a historical domination of the masculine over the feminine, registered not only in social structures, work, money, politics or family, but also right down into our bodies, our unconscious minds and our closest relationships. This domination does not manifest solely through visible or intentional acts; it is also lodged in implicit expectations, relational habits, learned silences and compromises internalised since childhood.
Let's be realistic: this law, on its own, will not transform relations between women and men. The dynamics of power, submission, adaptation or domination are ancient, complex, deeply ingrained in the collective unconscious and in individual histories. They cannot be undone by decree. However, this proposed bill is highly symbolic, because it comes to question a fundamental principle: that of individual sovereignty, and within perhaps the most vulnerable space of all, that of intimacy.
At the heart of this question lies an essential word, frequently invoked but still insufficiently embodied: consent. Consent doesn't start with saying yes or no to someone. Consent start well in advance, that way ability to sense what is right or not for oneself, to recognise one's own needs, limits, impulses or refusals. Yet this capacity is far from innate. In our upbringing, whether familial, cultural or collective, we are rarely taught to truly listen to ourselves. Many children learn very early on to adapt, to keep quiet, to minimise what they feel, or even to disconnect from their sensations in order to preserve the bond, so as not to be a nuisance, and to remain loved. These relational survival mechanisms are then replayed in adulthood, often unconsciously, particularly in the intimate sphere.
Then comes a second stage, often even trickier than the first: that of’to dare to state one's truth. In therapy, I frequently see how much this putting into words can cost, both emotionally and psychically. Sometimes the person receiving support reproaches themselves for having spoken, so violent, defensive or in denial is the reaction they face. Let us not be naive: a person who causes harm, consciously or not, is not always capable of admitting it. They may resist, justify themselves, reverse roles, or carry on without truly hearing what is being said to them.
In this context, dare to speak your truth is already a victory, whatever the outside response. This is often what I remind people of in my coaching: the real challenge is not so much the result obtained on the other side as the inner shift that takes place. It is about bring one's heart back to oneself, to no longer entrust it entirely to the other, to find one's inner axis, a security, a personal sovereignty that no longer depend on outside approval or validation.
The law can open a debate, set a framework, and recall fundamental principles. But the deep transformation, the one that really changes relationships, always start inside in listening to oneself, in the courage to speak one's truth, in respecting one's integrity, even when it shakes things up, disturbs or destabilises long-standing equilibriums. That is where healing begins. And it is from this place, more conscious, more embodied, that new relationships can emerge, founded on living consent, shared responsibility and a genuine respect for the other and oneself.
With love,
Sabryna
Resources
⚖️ In France, the conjugal duty can under no circumstances justify a sexual relation without consent.
👉 Marital rape has been recognised as a crime since 1990 (Court of Cassation), and consent is a fundamental principle of criminal law.
France 24 – January 2026
Photo: Xavier Caihol – Estelam
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